Brush with death

Another brush with death

Very early this morning, my wife has a seizure. It happened many times before, and as soon as she felt it, she took her medicine. But she felt very weak and hollered at me to bring her a glass of water. I ran for a glass of water and gave it to her. She was murmuring something when she got hold of the glass of water and drank it. I learned that she was reciting a prayer asking God not to take her yet. I guess she don’t want to leave me alone. She was there sitting on the floor and I asked her if she want to go to bed. No answer. I massage her head and her back and arms until she felt a little better. There was a moment of silence. I looked at her sitting on the floor and praying with her eyes close and felt pity. I can’t avoid feeling guilty too. I know that I should have left her for good long ago. I was awakened from my deep thoughts when she asked me to bring her to the living room, and I sat her on the sofa. After a few minutes we heard somebody calling her name and my granddaughter opened the door. It was my wife’s best friend. What a coincidence? Did the good Lord lead her here? As they were chatting there, I felt good knowing that she has recovered.

Back to School

Back to school

    My chance to learn computer operation came when I heard from a Christian radio an ad about a scholarship offer for beginners. Their target was high school students. I went to gather information. The school is on the third floor of a building and as I am going up the stairs, I saw an ad written on a medium size blackboard, ‘Wanted 2 Auto CAD operators’. It gave me an idea that influences my decision later on.

      Well, I was accepted. There were a few courses to choose from and I opt for Basic Auto CAD. At the time, with my little knowledge, I thought it is a good choice. I was hoping to graduate and get the job as an operator plus they hinted on something like on the job training. A win-win situation pops in my mind.  

I prayed, “Lord, guide my way pls.”

     I was excited on my first day. I was an early bird because when I got there the lady receptionist was still cleaning and I have to wait outside the office. And later on I still have to wait for quite a time inside the office to wait for my classmates. Eventually, our school manager arrive and we went with her to our classroom which is in a rented house located a mile away from the main office.

      I didn’t miss a single day in class and in fact, I attend another class upon the invitation of an old instructor who told me that I can start teaching what I learned to beginners. It happened only once because when I got there the next day, I had the feeling that I’m not welcomed by other instructors who happened to be there. Besides the fact that I’m not really qualified. Actually, I’m only on for the experience.

      Graduation came after two months. It was simple and was finished on just over two hours. We were waiting for our diploma but were told that we can go back after three days to get it. After three days, as I was going up the stairs, I saw the same sign and it read, ‘Wanted Auto CAD operator. Must be an engineering or architectural student with at least two years in college.’ It annoyed me at the least. They handed me my diploma and I’m happy. The School President told me, “Come back here when you’re ready.” I don’t know what it means but I took it positively. And then another officer told me, “You’re voted as a model student of the year.” I was hoping that they will give me a certificate for it but there was none. I took everything in a positive kind of way. I was even hoping for something good to come out of this. But I didn’t stop. I enrolled in another school and at that time I believe, I’m on the right target.

The Shortcut

     There were a few schools who offers scholarship grant to attract students. It means low tuition fees.  I’m living on a tight budget and I am always attracted by anything that’s cheap. But it actually means they will teach you what your money’s worth. Its business and they have ingenious ways to bring education to the underprivileged.

      What I had in mind when I visit the school is a six months computer technician course. They are offering tuition cuts on a two year course. My wife tried to stop me. I perfectly understand why, but I promise her that I only want to see what I can learn in one semester.

       As we are near the end of the semester, I already got what I need. There is something more that I want before quitting. I needed a shortcut. I took up, in another school, a short course in PC Troubleshooting then quit. I don’t need a diploma. I just need to understand how to use my computer and be able to do some troubleshooting.

      Long ago, it was forced on me to play a dangerous game that only God can stop. Some gave it a name and called it, ‘staging a setback in life’ and others titled it ‘burn notice’ or simply ‘a burn game’. As for me it’s a repeat of the life of the Bible Prophet Job. But unlike Job, I’m doing what I can to parry the blows and blocked the flaming arrows thrown at me. Anyone who takes my side will automatically be in the game. It’s a deadly game. My wife who sticks it with me through thick or thin is already sick for life. Her heart can’t take the pressure. The only way to survive is to be free. I kept on moving on. My years spent on the sea made me tough. I know that if I stay close to the Lord God Almighty, I will not lose and I’m not aiming to win either. I just want to be alive and serve God any which way I can. I don’t hate anyone, it’s bad for health and I have a forgiving spirit. I always pray to God. May Jesus send His angels? If God is with me, who can be against me?

My project this week

I need to clear some space and I started it this week. It's shifting stones and earth.

The Practice

Ooops! I miss

     I started my typing by visiting a computer shop nearby and search the internet for tutorials. I choose one and so I began my lessons. I tried to do it by setting an hour a day but after a few days I felt that I’m not making any progress and if I continue in this way, it might cost me a lot of money and sadly, I don’t have much. My fingers are so stiff because I overworked them when I was working in my still small farm. They’re actually swelling in their joints. I know that I can’t stop. I must find a way to continue. Well, I finally thought of an idea. I draw a keyboard in a carton paper cut from a big carton of cigarettes and stroke the letters with my fingers just like stroking the letter keys of a real computer keyboard. My imagination plays a greater role in this style of practice.  When I wake up in the morning I pray by pretending that I’m typing the letters on my carton keyboard.

     My wife was amused by what I’m doing. Most of the time, she’s laughing at me. There was a time that she tried to stopped me. She probably think that I’m going crazy doing what I’m doing. But I refused to stop. After a month, I thought that I’m making a little progress and that really boost my confidence. But what I notice most are my fingers slowly reverting back to their normal shape. They’re healing! Finally, maybe out of pity, my wife borrowed an unused computer keyboard and gave it to me. I took it as a kind of promotion. It felt good feeling my fingers stroking on a real one. It took me a long time to gain speed in typing but I’m happy with the progress that I’ve made.

     I eventually decided to bring it to a higher level. I did my imaginary typing with my eyes closed. By this time I’ve already memorize the keys and I just have to feel how far my fingers will go to reach a certain key. For me it’s already a game. My fingers were completely healed. I even tried typing while reading from a newspaper.

     I continued playing this unusual typing game until I manage to purchase a second-hand computer set. Aaah! Finally! Now I can apply what I’ve been  doing for so long. I kept on typing my prayers to Jesus and anything that I can think of. At one time my wife woke up in the middle of the night, with all lights off, and said with an alarming voice, “What are you doing?” I whispered, “I’m typing.”

    

        

                                                                                           

An Open Door

     There was that time when college undergraduates who had spent at least two years in their study of their chosen course in college can apply as call center agents. Call center companies will put them into a series of skill test starting from online application wherein an applicant will use the company’s computer to fill an application already prepared by the company, English essay writing as well as English oral skill and if you are lucky to pass it all, the final interview in English. By the way, once inside the company building everyone must speak only in English. The company will train an applicant for a month to see if they are able to stand night duty. Surprisingly, this is the hardest part because most of those who already passed the previous test will fail. Either because they get sick or they decide they don’t like the nature of the job. Of course these are the stories that I heard about. I already failed the first test because I didn’t have the necessary skill to complete my application in 45 minutes. And I admire the patience of those who waited for me to finish.

     There were some would be applicants who knew my daughter and asked her help in preparing their resume to be submitted to the front desk. I heard that most of them failed and that started me thinking that it is common to fail than to pass. At that time independent training centers had not yet flourished. Curiosity hit me and I asked if I can also apply even with my very little computer skill. I was told that if I have well enough English written and oral skill, the company might decide to train me. At least I believe that my English is the only test that I can pass. Or just maybe? It’s only my own opinion.

     Finally! The day of reckoning came. My daughter who is a call center agent was on a day shift. Together we arrive at the site and before she went in to work, she submitted my resume to the front desk. I was told to sit down and wait. Nervously, I waited. More applicants arrive. We were ushered into a room where we viewed a presentation about the benefits of working for the company. I think the benefits were good and I’m praying to the Lord God Almighty for a miracle. I know I have a very small chance. The only thing that excites me is that I can take a peek at the inside of the building and see how a call center is set-up. The experience is what I’m really after. The thought amused me.

     I finish filling up my online application and I’m surprised that they let me waited along with the other applicants for the next test. I sat there wondering. I would be lying if I would say I hadn’t expected to at least pass the next test. And then it came and again we were told to enter a room. Wow! I said to myself. This is where call center agent work. I was told to sit down before a table with a computer and a telephone. I put the headset over my head and down to my ears. The phone rings and I picked it up and heard the voice of a woman talking. I am nervous and it is then that I realized that my English is not really that good when I’m nervous. My embarrassment was overshadowed by my excitement to be actually inside a call center building. The experience alone consoled me.

      The experience actually ignited a fire inside me to improve myself. I like to be in this world. I think it is a better world. I never succeeded in actually working in a call center but I came to know that there are a lot of opportunities in this world, the internet.

                                             

In search for a new world

     I started working on board commercial ships when I was nineteen years old. I like to travel and the excitement of being able to see new places is the main reason that I am on this job. Eventually, after a little more than twenty years of sea travel, I started to think differently about my work. I’m tired of being a seaman and felt that I need to spend more time with my family. I need a new life.

     It’s not easy. If I want to have a new start, I must look for a new source of income and that’s the hardest part. I’m twenty years away from my retirement age and the chance for a new job is very poor.  Boredom hits me hard and I decided to leave the ship and start a new life in the U.S. leaving my papers and passport behind. Adventurism and positive thinking is the key to this, my greatest mistake (seventeen years later, I realized that it’s my best move.) And then the consequences of what I did, sink in my mind. It’s too late to turn back, I considered myself a fugitive and the U.S. immigration is on my back. Eventually, the long arm of the law will take its grip on me. I have to prepare myself for that eventuality. I took a job as a busboy in a restaurant. I think that the owner is in a desperate need of a helping hand that she start me working in the restaurant with my promise to show my passport later and she manage to forget about it when I had shown her that I can work hard enough for her to like me or maybe she needs me. Well, I work twelve hours everyday from Monday to Saturday. I stayed there for two years. When I thought that I have enough money to start something good I came to a decision to straighten my crooked mistake. I needed to go back to my own country where I legally exist. I bought an old taxicab and started a new life as a taxicab driver and all is going well until after over six months when I found out that my beloved taxicab is carrying a fake franchise. Well, with a few cash left I was forced to go back to where I was born. I was born in this little town. I left it when I started my voyages as a sailor. I had over there an almost forgotten land and now I need it to survive. I sold half of the land and build a small house.  I used some of the money to convert my old house in the city to a house for rent and slowly improved on it. It became a valuable source of income for us. It is the only one.

     My daughter is working as a call center agent and introduces me to the world of computers. I like this world. For me this is a better world. My entrance is not easy and I would write about it in my next blog.